Please move to St. Louis

Really, pick up and move to St. Louis. Don’t think, do it. We’re waiting for you. Why, we’ve planned three entertainment districts - three! - just for you! Of course, one of them is still pretty much vaporware at the moment (note to cities everywhere: always make ballclub owners build the promised shopping [or dining] district [or building] before constructing the new stadium), but we’ll get something or other. Eventually. I’m sure. After all, it’s not as though sports owners have ever stiffed us on a civic construction promise before.

Kiel Partners, Civic Progress companies, committed themselves to the restoration of the Kiel Opera House when they built the Kiel Center after demolishing the previous facility, attached to the Opera House. But after spending $2.5 million on the Opera House roof and mechanical systems, the Kiel Partners chose to interpret this expenditure as the fulfillment of their legal commitment. This left the Opera House without water on its top three floors, no air conditioning, only 40% of its steam heat capacity, code-violating elevators, and ADA-violating restrooms.

Still, as the man in the CNN piece said, there are definite signs of life here in Gatewayville. The city’s population, long in a sickening free fall, is actually on the rise. Good thing, too: there’s a lot of empty space here, and it’s all priced to sell. So get your butts over here! And, er, bring your wallets.

‘Cause the fact is, there’s nothing wrong with this place that more people - and more tax revenue - can’t fix.

Besides, Waveflux needs more neighbors.

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