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Torturey former AtGen picks up thirty large in St. Louis

Apparently Alberto Gonzales has come down a bit on his speaking fees; he used to charge thirty-five thousand dollars. It pays to shop for bargains. Washington University gets its cut-rate ex-torture memo writer today, a guest of the College Republicans. Here’s a look at what he’ll likely say, based on his previous engagement at the University of Florida:

The crowd numbered “about 800,” so that’s about $50 a head to hear essential haikus like this: “No one is perfect. What is important is that we identify our mistakes and correct them.” Kind of funny coming from a man who failed miserably to “identify” and “correct” mistakes at the Justice Department and who provoked laughter from Senate Judiciary Committee members when he tried to explain away his role in the prosecutor purge. His speech could have been condensed as: “Do as I say, not as [I] do.”

Some more accurate and compelling lessons from Gonzales’s tenure: Don’t put partisanship ahead of professionalism, don’t blame your subordinates when things go wrong, don’t waste everyone’s time on Capitol Hill dodging questions, don’t forget the attorney general works for the people and not the president, don’t forget to gather accurate facts when you are drafting clemency memos.

The Student Union needn’t worry about filling the house, as the campus is buzzing. Protestors plan to make the erstwhile attorney general feel at home with some orange jumpsuited love.

Sounds like a great time will be had by all!

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