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Ruffled mind, restless pillow

According to old William, sleep knits up the raveled sleeve of care. This explains my frayed mental cuffs today. Another round of unrest last night, worse than usual, and as a result the world seems at a remove just now. You may have to speak two or three times to me before it actually registers. Sorry.

Sleep and I are seldom the best of friends. Some years back, I suffered recurring bouts of sleep paralysis - that unnerving condition “marked by the inability to move the body or limbs, either during the onset of sleep or upon waking.” These seemed keyed to high stress levels and were always accompanied by what clinicians call hypnogogic hallucinations, but which I call lucid nightmares. And nightmares they always were: never a pleasant dream while paralyzed, which seems par for the course:

Your experience may vary, but some symptoms include: sinister feelings of evil entities watching you, alien abductions, an intruder in your room, rape, an “old hag” attacking or suffocating you in your sleep, and many other frightening experiences that always take place while in a paralyzed state.

Awesome! Especially on those “old hag” evenings. (That’s an odd archetypal subset. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking of Baba Yaga.)

For a while I feared that this was the onset of narcolepsy, but apparently sleep paralysis is for many people a standalone condition, for which I guess I should be grateful. No great desire to add sudden bouts of unconsciousness to the day’s activities. I don’t experience the paralysis nearly as often as I used to - less stressed overall, maybe - but the odds of it occurring always seem greater when I’ve gone a few days without restful sleep. Something to look forward to tonight, maybe.

I’m not clear on the reason behind the poor sleep these days. A case of engine run-on, perhaps - an inability to stop the motor from running when it’s time for bed. It could stem from the conditions in which I lie abed, sharing a space with beloved wife M and two to three cats and feeling crowded in a queen-sided bed. We bought a new mattress a few months ago and it’s plenty comfortable. The relatively new pillows seem less comfortable these days, but is that their fault or am I bringing the discomfort with me? I dunno.

Confession: I snore, Pretty loudly, by all accounts. This seems to happen when I lie on my back or, oddly, on my left and preferred side. This prompts M to ask me to sleep on my right side - and, uh, stay there - which isn’t helping with the whole restful slumber thing.

Every so often, M suggests that I check out one of those sleep clinics that are frequently advertised. The idea seems particularly appealing today. The immediate plan, however, is to check out that new comfy futon mattress in the other upstairs room. All I need just now is one night of decent sleep. Not a lot to ask. I think it would help my mood immeasurably.

Until then, a (third) cup of coffee is calling my name.

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