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The fantasy football report

By Phil Barron ⋅ December 4, 2007 ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ Post a comment

I’ve held off from the usual weekly fantasy football rants this season, trying to adopt instead a quieter, more rational approach to the pasttime. Well, I’ve hardly been rational; as is always the case, I have indulged in excess over each week’s matchup, exulting in victory and agonizing over defeat. I’ve just been quiet about it.

Now comes the most critical week of the season, however, and it is only proper that I reveal the high stakes for which I play. Behold the standings as we approach Week 14:

The top three teams have all clinched berths in the coveted championship playoffs during Weeks 15 and 16. One berth remains. Just below sits a veritable logjam of contenders for that slot. One team with a win-loss record of 8-4-1 and a knot of teams at 8-5, my fighting Purple Stallions among them. (Also league commish Oliver Willis.)

The teams that leave Week 14 in 5th through 8th place will get to play in the so-called consolation playoff bracket. That’s fine and dandy…for also-rans. I want none of it. My most cherished goal - after world peace - is to somehow force my way into the championship bracket.

And it can happen. If…

1) I win this weekend, and

2) Teams 4, 5, 6, and 8 all lose. All of them.*

Oliver’s team would fall into this second requirement, except that his MD Skinz squad trails me in total points by a sufficient margin that if we both won, I’d still place ahead of him.

Should the unthinkable happen - I lose while these other teams win - I’d wind up on the outside of even the consolation bracket. Ugh. You see now why I lose sleep over this game.

So there it is. I have much work to do. May Touchdown Jesus favor my efforts.

*Technically, Team 8 - Guess Who’s Back - doesn’t have to lose in order for me to advance, but as that team trails my Stallions by one measly point, it’s safer for me if that team obliges me by losing.

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