Answer this

One day, every home will have one. And none of them will actually work.

“Remember when answering machines were sturdy devices that lasted for years?” I asked M.

“That was back when they used tape,” she replied.

Actually, I don’t recall that answering machines of the ancient past (say, fifteen or twenty years ago) were ever remarkably sturdy and reliable, but they could hardly have been less so than what’s on the market now. Our machine - another lemon from what used to be called Southwestern Bell - is on the fritz, making this the third machine in five years that’s gone south on us. Looks like it’s back to Generic Big Box Electronics Store to find a replaceement. If only I could get over the psychological block that keeps me from using a voicemail service…but I can’t. Oh, well.

Ask Roy Blunt about the Mark Foley scandal

What did you know, Congressman, and when did you know it?

The scandal of GOP Rep. Mark Foley and his inappropriate email exchanges with a 16 year old page threatens to expand with an AP news report (link defunct) stating that the Republican House leadership had known of the Foley situation for close to a year - and had apparently done nothing. From Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo highlights the salient passage of the AP piece:

The page worked for Rep. Rodney Alexander, R-La., who said Friday that when he learned of the e-mail exchanges 10 to 11 months ago, he called the teen’s parents. Alexander told the Ruston Daily Leader, “We also notified the House leadership that there might be a potential problem,” a reference to the House’s Republican leaders.

Marshall comments:

So Rep. Alexander knew about this 10 or 11 months ago. And he says he notified the House leadership. That means Hastert and (at the time) either Tom DeLay or Rep. Blunt (R-MO). We don’t know it was either of those three men yet. But that’s what Alexander means when he says he “notified the House leadership.” They’re the House leadership.

If I’m understanding this correctly, that means that the leaders of the House Republican caucus have known for almost a year that a member of their caucus was having cybersex with an underage congressional page. And apparently they did nothing about it.

Well, this should be easy enough to determine, assuming that the Republican leaders of the House are forthright enough to answer questions. The constituency of Missouri’s Roy Blunt - and the print and electronic press that covers Missouri politics - should ask their representative just what he knew of Mark Foley’s predatory activities, and just (if anything) what he did about it.

(Contact form for Roy Blunt, including phone and fax)

Related posts:
Where is the Missouri press on Roy Blunt and the Mark Foley scandal?
GOP leadership issues more excuses on Foley scandal
The man who knew…nothing?
Roy Blunt makes his move

Technorati Tags: Roy Blunt, Mark Foley

Cardinal Nation on Red(bird) alert…or, rather, life support

Gloomy times indeed here in Baseball Heaven. The Cards lost, the Astros won, the cushion has shrunk to a half-game lead with three games left to play, and media and fans alike are pretty much throwing in the towel. For a representative sampling of the current mood state, I give you the cheerful Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

Few Believers Left in Cardinal Nation

The Cards folded. They looked helpless at the plate and played clumsily in the field. They capitulated to the also-ran Brewers, who had nothing to gain by winning.

(We would never suggest the Cards are choking or that the clubhouse has become poisoned. But as a medical precaution, the team should ship out the champagne and replace it with some syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting.)

And here’s the most disturbing aspect of their failure: It came after the Cards knew the Astros had won. [...]

There is no reason to believe the Astros will lose again this season, given their hot hitting, pitching depth and momentum.

So that puts the Cards on the spot. Either they pull out of this swoon -– nine losses in 11 games -– or they will suffer one of the worst late-season collapses in the history of major league baseball.

Either they will return to postseason play . . . or their 2006 implosion will live in infamy. It will become the failure that all future failures are measured against.

Damn!

One thing about sports performance at the margins, whether it be great success or appalling failure: It prompts declarative writing.

Fly, Redbirds, fly! We of the Nation will follow you to whatever end.

Technorati Tags: St. Louis Cardinals, Baseball

So this is what counts as urgent news

Terribly urgent yellow banner news alert on CNN’s site (bolded to communicate the approriate level of importance):

The Associated Press reports reality TV star Anna Nicole Smith exchanged vows with boyfriend Howard K. Stern on a boat near Nassau, but the ceremony is “not legally binding,” her attorney Michael Scott said.

Honestly…honestly…what the hell?

Actual article to follow. I’m sure all the flags are flying at CNN Central.

Addendum: And there you go, Anna Nicole fans.

Jim Talent thinks the Constitution is inconvenient

Missouri voters should know that Republican Senator Jim Talent believes that a core element of the Constitution - the ability of the judicial branch to determine whether a prisoner has been wrongfully imprisoned, “a fundamental protection woven into the fabric of our Nation” - isn’t as necessary or important as carrying water for George Bush. Talent voted against the habeas amendment proposed by Arlen Specter, Republican chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee, which would have ensured that the federal court could review the imprisonment of individuals suspected of involvement in terrorism. So much for Talent’s supposed political independence - and so much for the balance of powers, a concept Talent clearly doesn’t believe in. Instead of guarding the Constitution, he voted to undermine it in favor of an administration that already insists on aggregating ever more power to itself.

How much longer will Missourians tolerate a senator who serves merely as a rubber stamp for George Bush, and who treats the Constitution as an inconvenience? Missouri can do better.

Technorati Tags: Jim Talent

All that’s missing is the plunk-plunk

Whether due to ennui, lethargy, or some other condition that rhymes with “whee,” I have not been much in the mood lately for blogging on politics, culture, or on anything much more substantial than the state of my fantasy football team or a belated comparison of the candymakers Wonka. However, the latest report on Jeanine Pirro’s foundering political fortunes is enough to momentarily rouse me from my torpor. Good heavens, what a high-profile mess. It strikes me that the Pirro campaign, with its attendant themes of frustrated political ambition, marital infidelity, and criminal intrigue (with a guest appearance by Bernard Kerik!), has devolved into perfect fodder for an episode of Law & Order. But which specific show in Dick Wolf’s empire, I wonder? I vote for L&O: Criminal Intent: this storyline just begs for the full Goren treatment, with accompanying snarkiness from Eames. I smell Emmy!

Technorati Tags: Jeanine Pirro

Upon further review…I win!

Yesterday I lamented what looked to be a loss to my opponent in last weekend’s fantasy football matchup; today I exult in an unlooked-for triumph. Sometime in the last couple of hours, Yahoo did a last-minute Florida-style recount of the fantasy points generated by the players on my team, and mirabile dictu, I find that my fighting Purple Stallions now ingloriously reside atop the league, having been determined to have won the matchup in question by a hair’s breadth, 149.84 to 149.57. My starting D, Carolina, was credited late with a fumble recovery. Bask in my shiny reflected glory:

What will really chap my opponent’s ass is that he didn’t bother to replace two players who were on a bye last weekend. Even one active player standing around breathing would likely have given him the victory. Heh. Sucks to be him.

Pretty big talk for someone who won by a half point or so, I know. But that’s the beauty of fantasy football. Next up: 3 and 0!

God marks the Redbirds’ fall

Continuing a string of vaguely sports-related posts here, we bring you the Deadspin take on the freefall of the local ballclub:

If you’re looking for the moment when the Cardinals late-season disgorgement transformed from a local sense of nervousness to a national jeez-that-car-is-about-to-crash fascination, it was last night. The Cardinals lost again, the Astros and Reds both won, the wild-card number is at five for the sixth straight day, the division lead is 1 1/2 and … god, this is really happening.

So how do we feel? How can a Cardinals fan feel right now? This team never deserved to be in the playoffs — it’s the worst Cardinals team we’ve seen since the McGwire homer years — and it felt somewhat cheap that they had built such a large division lead with such a poor team in the first place. Obviously, we still want the team to win the division — and the odds are still in the Cardinals’ favor — and make the playoffs, but if they do complete the collapse, we can’t feel like we were cheated out of anything.

That sanguine approach may not be the sentiment of all Cards fans, as witness the anguish on daily display at the Post-Dispatch’s Cards Talk or Bernie’s Pressbox (as in chief P-D sports columnist Bernie Miklasz) forums. “We are owed”…”Boycott the Cards”…”We need leadership.” Ugly stuff, but not a surprise. You can’t lead a division for 117 days in a row only to give it all up at season’s end - or come unnervingly close - and expect fans to shrug it off. Fans here will feel cheated, and local villagers are lighting torches and sharpening pitchforks. Should the Redbirds fall, look for a very different kind of parade down Market Street.

Technorati Tags: Baseball, St. Louis Cardinals

Push-up Tuesday

Former Rams cornerback Aeneus Williams had a habit of doing pushups on the sideline after making a mistake out on the field. The coaching staff of my fantasy football team, the fighting Purple Stallions, is doing pushups today for getting outcoached in this past weekend’s matchup. I wound up losing to somebody named camel toes by less than two points and I’ve no one to blame but myself. I’ve forgiven myself for not starting Panthers wideout Keyshawn Johnson and so missing out on a whopping 25 fantasy points (!), but I’m kicking myself for benching Giants TE Jeremy Shockey in favor of the grand experiment of playing WR/TE Jerricho Cotchery of the Jets. The difference in FF points between those guys was about two and a half points. In the meantime, camel toes enjoyed an unlikely outburst from Brett Favre of Green Bay.

Live and learn. I’m in fourth place now with a 1-1 record, though I still lead the league in total points. This will come in handy when I regain the first place status that is rightfully mine. It may take a couple of weeks to do that, though. On to the next matchup.

Technorati Tags: Fantasy Football

The pepper-upper-in-chief

So Chris Simms, struggling quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was in such dire straits that George Bush stopped by to give him some advice and a little pep talk.

The result: Not only do the Bucs lose their third game in a row (to the formerly 0-2 Carolina Panthers), poor Simms had to have his spleen removed after the game and is out indefinitely.

George Bush: Doing for the NFL what he’s done for the country.

We wish Chris - and the nation - a speedy recovery.

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