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Take that, Isaac Newton!

The masters of satire at The Onion show us the next illogical step in the, uh, evolution of “intelligent design” hooey.

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity with New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory

As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held “theory of gravity” is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

“Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, ‘God’ if you will, is pushing them down,” said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University. [...]

“Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein’s general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world,” said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. “They’ve been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don’t know how.”

“Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work,” Carson said. “What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that ‘gravity waves’ and ‘gravitons’ are just secular words for ‘God can do whatever He wants.’”

So to put a spin on the old joke, there is no such thing as gravity: God sucks.

This new “theory” is soon to be adopted as part of the official school curriculum by the Kansas Board of Education, no doubt, and likely recommended by our Scholar-in-Chief.

Technorati Tags: Intelligent Design, Evolution, Science, Education, Religion, Kansas

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